Whatever..

This question has been running in my head for quite some time...
Should I stay or should I go.
I choose to stay.
Well, I never chose to go in the first place.
Actually I did try. But failed.
Why must I stay?
Simple,
I'm stubborn.
Just like how I'm stubborn to go to school.
Although I'm stubborn, I still want to go to school.
You might think I don't take school seriously and stuff,
but think carefully.
If I didn't take school seriously, I wouldn't have even bothered to wake up in the morning checking my e-mail everyday for mails on modules and such.
I love to be in school studying.
It's just that there're some barriers that are stopping me from going.
One of them is having the problem of waking up.
"Oh, then make an effort to sleep early and wake up early ahh"
That's what most people would say.
You think I'm not making an effort?
I'm not that lazy.
I wanted to start the year by doing well - coming to school on time, doing whatever I'm supposed to do in lessons.
But there are some circumstances that are stopping me.
One example is last Tuesday. I woke up late but I really wanted to study and work hard.( see, I'm making an effort.) So I rushed after I woke up. I was all ready to leave home. Then I had a feeling something was not right. So before leaving home, I switched on my laptop to check my email. It was already 830am. I checked my email and I got this email which said " Report to class at 9am. If you are 15 minutes late or more, you are considered absent because you are interrupting the class during lesson.
Fuck. This email made me fucking pissed.
I couldn't possibly make it to school in half an hour. It takes more than an hour to reach class.
See, it has always been like this. When I want to study, there's always something that will stop me. This week, it happened to me twice already.
Why am I talking about school?
Apparently, people have been asking me questions about how irresponsible I am about school and I just have to throw all of these out.
If you think these are all excuses. Whatever lah eh.
anyway, my life's starting to change now..
I'm not the Umar I used to be.
I used to avoid problems, thinking positively.....
Now, I just can't stand and am sick and tired of how people think I'm too happy and "happy-go-lucky", don't care a single thing about problems.
argh.